So much time has passed since school, making that first friend, getting hurt, making another and yet another. Who said friends were supposed to become forever people, and then who said forever meant forever. Having realized that we go onward- marching, boldly and brazenly forward, living out our feelings, sponging away differences, pain and who knows what else, powering through life, taking it as it comes, rejecting some things and accepting most, simply because we knew that lessons were needed to be taught, learned and imbibed into our everyday living. Growth was the necessary evil, but could it have been made a goal as well?
And what did these early friendships actually need? While growing up as children, we needed them to sharpen important life skills. Getting along with people and sorting out conflicts was a good way to go, learning to get along with each other meant knowing how to get along with adults later. They cleared the way for later social and emotional interactions. Coupled with the needs for self-esteem, they brought along a sense of self belonging, but needed their parents too along with friends. Then came middle school, the same story continued but with the onset of high school, the stories changed. Beauties bloomed, the young changed into women, jealousies grew, and the hormones continued running riot. Youth is associated with beauty, but truthfully beauty itself transcends every age. How many of us fell out of the trap of falling for a best friend’s brother, and chose the latter over the former. If we survived that, we could go through life with the beginning of forever. Because high school friends usually stuck on because of the craziest memories.
Along came decisions of marriage and parenthood and choices and some of the very many juggling acts that one had to be a huge part of and I am not saying that was easy for anybody. But making friends was the last thing on us women’s minds though they kind of eased every situation. And then again one made some and lost some to the tides of life. Spouses gained top priority, as they became the new best friends, children consumed the soul, and life flowed on. But by now some astute women decided that through thick and thin, they would maintain their friendships as they would probably need them through life and the hard times when they hit.
When the time came to let go of the middle of one’s lives, and women were catapulted to their fifties, marriages probably redundant, children grown, women teetering on the empty nest syndrome, brought back the best friend from-high school, some from couple friendships, some from the buried past as well. Selfish motives but completely valid reasons for women to understand what life had actually given them, despite their stupidity and foggy brains and their sense of self. Life demanded that women be strong, carry on and figure their lives out. Relentless were the methods but friendships needed their own space and time.
Spending time with women friends helps reduce loneliness and isolation, it helps release serotonin and oxytocin (the bonding hormones). Because we women believe in wellness, they are important for us to thrive. Do you know that according to a survey, one third of women are more afraid of loneliness than of a cancer diagnosis? It is also known that women create relationships and hang onto them but do they have real friends? Someone they can talk to about their real issues. It’s important that they have faithful female friends. It happens to only a fortunate few.
Lately a friend that I have known for the longest time and who was going through a hard time over the last 7-8 years called me and said she would really like to spend time with me, as I was the first person she remembered in her current hard time. It made me so happy that she remembered me because I had constantly reached out to her when she was down and out. One just has to decide to be there unconditionally, when another is going through her crisis of course with wanting nothing in return. We women really need that kind of fallback. We should really be there for each other in times of need and when times get tough. The need to be heard by another woman goes with the fact that only one woman can understand another woman.
No man would actually empathize with issues surrounding motherhood, PMS or even menopause. Its female friends who actually normalize other feminine experiences. Men just want you to- get to the point, most times, simply because either gender listens differently. We women tend to absorb more through our senses and store more as well. The details are more important for a woman. Thus, proving that it’s imperative that another woman listen to our details.
Do we have to wait for the winter of our lives to strip ourselves down to our essence like a tree? Do we not realize that we could grow more radiant than ever at this stage, because of our experiences that encourage our inner light to shine through our eyes. I read somewhere that in the final analysis of one’s life, when our to-do lists are no more, when the frenzy has abated, when email boxes run on empty, the only thing of lasting value will be our loved ones and whether they will love us back.
