Despite working for several years at a multiple Academy Award-winning animation and visual-effects (VFX) studio in India and US, and then launching her own startup in Los Angeles and Mumbai, Saraswathi ‘Vani’ Balgam makes sure to take time out for spiritual retreats in the Himalayas regularly.
I met the visual-effects wizard at one such retreat this summer. Petite with a sense of fragility about her, her attire was bohemian, a scarf rolled over her head, like a turban. With an accent that is not quite Indian, the 47-year-old came across as an enigma to me.
Saraswathi’s company Dancing Atoms develops original content that bridges the gap between Asian and North American storytellers and brings Asian stories to the world. Before she got here, she served as the head of creative management for DreamWorks Animation in Shanghai and as the co-founder of Rhythm & Hues Asia.
Her jobs exposed her to big-time Hollywood film projects like Life of Pi, Snow White and the Huntsman, The Hunger Games, X-Men: First Class, The Incredible Hulk, The Golden Compass, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, and more. For 10 years, she was the president of the India chapter of ASIFA (International Animated Film Association) and of Women in Animation India.
But behind the glitzy, shimmering lights of her film animation career lies an arduous journey. Born and raised in Mumbai, Saraswathi and her brother Pavan grew up amidst penurious conditions while her father struggled to find a foothold in the Indian animation film industry.
Her eyes cloud over as she narrates, “Seeing our father counting change in order to buy a bus ticket just to get us to school, and sometimes not having enough to eat, was very painful.” She remembers seeing her mother mortgage her mangalsutra (marital necklace) just to buy ration for the house.
Despite the poverty and uncertainty of those years, Saraswathi was deeply devoted to her father. “He showed me the feminine part of being a man; he was vulnerable, sensitive and extremely kind and lovable to everybody around him,” she shares, adding that her own sense of empathy was inherited from her parents as they always had so much to give, whether it was food and clothes or just positive energy, love and smiles.
Understandably, Saraswathi and Pavan came of age faster than other kids. At the age of 16, she started assisting on film sets despite the prevalence of sexual exploitation in the industry. At 20, she got a ‘real’ job at a reputed movie studio. At 23, her father urged her to go to the US and anchor herself there. But as luck would have it, her US visa application was rejected.
The episode left quite an impact on young Saraswathi. She decided to move to the mountains to live her own life. Though shocked at her stubborn streak, her father let her go, and even gave her some monetary help to boot.
Saraswathi stayed in the mountains for three months, finding teachers to guide her on her spiritual journey. She found her peace, and returned to Mumbai when one of her gurus advised her to finish what she had started. Along with her father, she travelled to Annecy, France, and then set up her own studio in Mumbai in 2001.
Soon she was offered a six-month contract by an award-winning VFX studio, an American company Rhythm & Hues. “It was like sweet revenge, the US rejecting me and then themselves coming to my door inviting me in!” she chuckles. Six months turned into 12 years, and she ended up managing a team of over 800 people, including women artists who are now at leading positions in different animation and VFX companies.
Along the way, she married her colleague Prashant in 2002. “As a woman, the struggle in the film industry has been real,” she admits. “But my father, brother and husband have always egged me on. I am very thankful to all the yaysayers as well as the few naysayers.”
Her father Srinivas Rao passed away in 2009 when he was only in his sixties. His death came as a shock to Saraswathi and her family. And then, further challenges ensued. In 2013, the studio she had set up in Asia for Rhythm & Hues went bankrupt, even while they won the Oscar for the 2012 adventure-drama film Life of Pi.
Saraswathi found herself hurtling down a rabbit hole. It was a dark phase for her, so stressful that she almost lost her eyesight.
“I would say that when you expect certain things to go a certain way in life, and life decides to go in completely different way, then one is quite thrown off and not ready to deal with the new force of uncertainty. This creates the ‘bad times’,” she muses. She came to realise that some part of it was related to the “imposter syndrome” that somehow triggered off her insecurities and made her feel vulnerable.
She also realised that therapy could only help her to a limited extent, and that the only way she could stay sane was to empathise with other people, since everybody is dealing with one problem or the other. Once again, she headed to the hills for healing. “In 2013, I decided to make a documentary film in the Himalayas and spent four years on and off making it,” she says. Further journeys to the US, France and China helped her develop a sense of self-conviction and served as a reaffirmation of her mission.
Today, at Dancing Atoms, Saraswathi focuses on writing and creating concepts that depict the evolution of a young person into an adult. A lot of the stories are about being a changemaker, as she would like to empower other people through her stories. That includes working with her mother Seetha Lakshmi to produce preschool shows. “The children are our future,” she asserts.
Besides her team of artists in US and Canada, she works with freelancers from India on storyboards, character designs and layout designs. “India has an abundant number of stories and we need good writers who can write quality stories for animation and VFX. There is a huge gap that needs to be filled when it comes to writing for animation and direction,” she says.
Saraswathi’s father had predicted that she would win the Oscar awards, drive in a Mercedes and reach great heights, even when they were at their poorest. And, indeed, she has done it all, and has a great sense of gratitude for it.
So, what comes next? “I see it in my cards that I am going to be doing very selective projects. I will be working with amazingly kind and talented people, who resonate with and respect my journey as I would theirs,” she smiles. No special effects needed to see that prediction come true.
