Love is the whole thing, we are only pieces – Rumi

For most people those are golden words. I do endorse the same.

‘But Love is a state of delusion… a hypnotic spell that life places on us enabling us to give what is pending, no matter how pleasurable or painful the experience is. Love is just the anesthesia that life uses.’

At the rate of sounding a bit jaded, I wasn’t exactly ready to hear that but Love does mean so many things to so many different people.

For instance, sitting with a group of forty somethings lately was enlightening and entertaining for me at the same time. The topic was Love, (though they had children dozing at home)-balloons floated everywhere; champagne flowed, the mood upbeat -the party being a Valentines celebration.

Varied comments caught my attention, but the one that stayed, came from a young psychologist-who stated the above. And then, I realized I could not refute her. Getting a view from a twenty something would definitely balance that one out.

Thirty somethings are busy tying the knot for love, for friendship, for commitment. Yes! a little late, their biological clocks ticking, the plunge is made and caution is thrown to the winds-’Whatever will be will be’. Love conquers all, life happens and then monotony sets in. Do they then celebrate Valentines Day? Do they still think love can conquer all?

Time to try the unmarried twenties. Still reeling from the mills and Boons. ‘Love is Fabulous, it has a gotten a bad reputation only because people have placed such high expectations on it. We have to live in the moment. We confuse love with what we see in the movies and read about in books. Real love actually causes no pain. Love is the ultimate!

So then -Love is the Whole thing. Rumi was right and with Valentine’s Day here again, I reckon there are some who wait for this day all their lives and some who merely smirk at it and question about how love should exist all through the year. What is the consensus then? Well, love and happiness go hand in hand, one without the other can be taxing in a way. Special days were created just to break the monotony of life. Period!

All this talk takes me back to loving another person. It simply means a sort of commitment to the other, a sort of a spiritual process perhaps? Most times sharing a relationship with another person does not border on love; it means compromise, a whole lot of it. We do have to make sure of what our children see. Most times they see the discord in their parents relationships and so get to be commitment phobic. Role models are important in my opinion. All we see is romantic love that promises to sweep one of their feet.

The true test of love clearly comes from the willingness to explore this world with another person. Not to share just the delights but to also to navigate the rocky roads. A mutual sort of exchange of ideas takes care of this. Misunderstandings would have to be faced. Learning to be open and receptive to our loved ones, listening fully with our hearts paves the way. Strengthening and deepening a relationship can lead to the spiritual journey called commitment.

Sometimes love is presented as the opposite of fear, but actual love is not the opposite of anything. Love is by far the most powerful emotion known. Only fear causes us humans to bury the need to love and be loved in return.

It is so easy to take one’s love for granted. Most times we feel that the people we care about know that we love them. That rings untrue. People have to be reminded time and time again that they are loved. It nurtures the relationship, and makes a world of difference in the other person’s life. Love exists to be expressed and not withheld!

It is so well known in History, that love has burned the hearts of artists, composers, poets, writers, musicians and the like. Simply because Love is primal, passionate and pure, but has been labeled complex, ethereal and mysterious too. The definition is yet not clear. And will it ever be? Is it because Love’s purpose stands to be questioned? So many things are an offshoot of the great feeling-self sacrifice, procreation, caring and romance to name a few. Would it really be less exhilarating if it were defined?

Paramhansa Yogananda rightly defined it thus – ‘to describe love is very difficult, for the same reason that words cannot fully describe the flavor of the orange, where you have to taste the fruit to know and so with love’.

Many have paid a price for love, some a price for looking like a fool for love, some their self respect, some abstinence and fidelity for the commitment of love, some have left friends and family to follow love, some the loss of independence and freedom. Love sometimes is a mystery, but without it would we feel the ecstasy?

Love has six billion faces, well! at least there that’s how many people there are in the world. But of course there would be more faces than that cause there as so many facets to love itself. Love is not just the savoir-faire of the French or the passion of the Italians. It is much more than that. The one thing that one must not do is fixate on love. A mistake that the best of us make. Instead we must remember to explore our passions. And that would probably lead us to who we want to finally be.

Life is definitely richer sharing it with another person. We are born separate, and it feels like love is the force that drives us to wholeness. It is definitely looking for us as much as we are looking for it. It is known that love is a force that draws us to one another and binds us together into a whole that is more than a sum of its parts. Bingo..

Love is not a theory, it is a wonderful experience and above everything a practice. Most times love actually tells a story. But its enemies are many, for instance contempt, habits, inattentiveness, rage, negative silences, jealousy, constant criticism, and unkindness to name a few.

The secret of happiness is to think bigger than the thought of just finding somebody to fall in love with. You just have to do things that improve the quality of your life, whether or not you have somebody to share it with. And this enjoyable life will ultimately lead you to someone who loves you. Now that’s a huge bonus.

To conclude with Kahlil Gibran’s words on love from The Prophet

‘Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls,

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone

Previously published in the Sindhian