Why do people say that the only permanent thing in the world is-Change? When it evidently is the source of much fear, anguish and unhappiness? As humans we try to embrace it, hoping for better things to emerge. Then we resist it deeply and struggle against it. In actuality we long for sameness in everything that we do. For if that was true and everything just remained the way it was, we would indeed stagnate and perish. Very clearly, change is the very essence of life.
We have to ultimately surrender to change and life does give us endless chances to avail of our choices to enhance change. For example most times we are stuck in our lives, and in our choices, we long to make the change. Sometimes when our lives are spiralling out of control; we hope to make things slower. At this point we must realise that two things emerge- change that we make happen and the one that happens to us irrespective. It becomes important that we understand this.
But change for some can be a lot to absorb. Sometimes we just cannot assimilate even one more thing when we are distressed or perturbed. It is as if in this whole evolution of change our circuits are jammed and we need to stay with the familiar and comforting parts. At that trying time meditation is a good alternative to quiet the mind.
Our lives can sometimes be so mundane. We go through them like nomads. Expectations are like that since we grow up with inherited ideas from our peers. Like we expect that marriages last forever, perfect jobs and vacations exist, children would behave, and retirement and friends would happen timely. And at some time we would inherit the keys of the kingdom and live happily ever after. We now know better in this age and century that everything changes with time and circumstance.
Our lives are constantly evolving, core values and beliefs ever changing. Cultures have changed, so have destinations. We have to make way for stepping-stones. Looking around us we realize that people around us are actually building their lives so differently, almost thrashing themselves through landscapes. People are not afraid to take giant leaps into the dark and risk falling. But some still cower in fear and stay underground afraid of risk that comes with change. They long to be rescued. But stepping-stones are a good way for change.
Stepping-stones just help you towards the change one is looking for. For instance, they are stages towards what your needs actually are. Say one is looking for the perfect job, then one needs to reach out and get in touch with the people who are in the same field that can actually provide you information about it and help you to move in that particular direction. If one wants to make a film, one gets a camera and information, same with writing a book, one moves towards a writing group for help. Meeting like- minded people are stepping-stones.
Everything in life does not have to be just this or that. There are so many shades of grey. It does not mean that you must not take that risk with the fear of no safety net. Everything is about trial and error. Knowing one person always leads to another. Everything in life whether its people or circumstances are a springboard.
I am a big advocator of change, not too much or too fast because then it could be overwhelming. Like for anything in life, it helps to have a Samurai Partner. This one’s not only a friend but also more than a friend. I have one and I know that it works. So when in life we are facing and struggling with change, that is when a Samurai Partner is very important. It just means that you have somebody who doubles up as a buddy and keeps you right on track. Of course this relationship has rules and certain parameters.
Now for this kind of a situation, the buddy has to have immense listening powers. It’s not like the ordinary friend that hangs around and just absorbs a rant. The Samurai Partner actually helps getting things done. Because after listening, plans are made and goals are struck where change is welcomed, and plans are actually executed. The basis of this friendship has to be of immense trust, and both have to want the best for each other. After all, life coaches charge an arm and a leg for this kind of help. You can have many friends but only one Samurai partner.
Sometimes as we go on living this life we realize that even if we don’t chase change, it finally hunts us down. All this because there is a constant tension in life between the idea of ‘Always and the idea of ‘never’. Change is definitely a friend, and it is guaranteed. It is the subtle art of returning to balance in our lives.
Why are we so afraid of change? Is it because very early in life we are told how wrong everything is and not that- it was OK to make mistakes. We would then have easily incorporated it in our adult lives, to expect certain changes, and to make mistakes. When unexpected things happen, that’s change, so instead of exclaiming – Oh no, try saying- that’s interesting and maybe things will seem a little less hard to swallow.
One small change usually creates another; giving way for the third, remember the domino effect?
In our daily lives, introducing a friend or a picture, changes our perspectives, simply because things have to go. It takes a commitment to actually change. One has to first give up instant gratification. It takes sacrifice, time, energy, and of course expect no quick results.
When change is for personal reasons, it is that much harder to attain. For example- our weight. It’s not only about giving up just chocolate or coke, it’s a whole new way of living, exercising and rearranging our social lives. It takes more than just, will power; we have to change the very way we think. And to change our thinking we may have to change our mindsets.
All of us at some time or the other imagine that we will get what we want. But we are just drifting along not knowing how to get it. It is awareness that begets change. So building goals, moving towards them, wanting it bad enough to encourage and instigate change by changing our minds help us get there. If the risk taking doesn’t help- take baby steps, staying positive all the time, and trusting in the universe to get us nearly there. Every wish needs wheels, and every change needs support. Habits can and must be broken…
Previously published in WIC Style
